Wow. What a few weeks it's been.
I got sick. My husband's fabulous parents and uncle came to visit. My grandmother nearly died. A grad school chum, a really stellar intellect, was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. Jane turned two. We went to Portland and back. We gave thanks. I got the proof of my article that will appear in the Winter issue of Rhythm of the Home (rapture!). And it snowed seven inches here in the Puget Sound area. No seriously! All the while I've been trying to work, preparing for the two craft fairs I'm signed up for.
I've been feeling thankful, deeply, tenderly thankful for my family, for my life. And the mysticism I feel every Christmas season is beginning to settle around me. Life is good.
And yet--I am so totally wiped. I keep telling myself, I keep believing, that if I really try and pull myself together, I can achieve everything I wish. I can keep house thriftily, provide good meals for my family, take care of my little girl, and start a small business, all while keeping myself in good health. The truth is, I'm doing none of these things. Rather, I'm doing them all a little bit. Spread thin, I think the term is. I've set the bar high, and I'm constantly falling short. And I'm not altogether sure I've really gotten well... And the Winter Faire is this weekend...
Basically, I've just decided to do my best this week to focus on my dollmaking and hope for the best. It's just not going to be what I had envisioned, and there's nothing I can do about it. That, and the fact I am so, so tired, make me want to give up. I feel like opportunity is about to knock and I won't get to the door in time. And you know what they say about opportunity. It's a sickening feeling, but it's also a load of bunk. If my plans (I know, I know) don't come out exactly as I envisioned them, oh well. As I once said to my father--Deal with it. Big whoop. I'll still have my girl, my husband, my amazing family supporting me. I'll have the Christmas tree to get, the angels to hang, the nog'n'grogg to drink by the fire. I'm going to wake up tomorrow and try to remember first thing how amazing my life is--truly--and how lucky I am to live each precious second of it. And whatever happens this week, I'm going to enjoy it. And hardest of all--I'm going to try and take care of myself. (This is a theme you can expect to hear a lot about in the coming weeks. Because by God, it's time for some serious reflection on how I conduct this part of my life.)
Tonight, I want to share some pictures from last week. We were preparing for Jane's birthday party, and I was working on a custom doll. And all that other stuff.