Tomorrow is the beginning of a new era. I'm going to work.
I had to take a long pause after I wrote that. I hardly know what to say. We're just back from my grandmother's memorial in Dallas. I would say we're getting back into the swing of things, but that isn't really true. Matt and I are switching our roles and responsibilities almost completely. Matt will be full time Dad during the day ("There's gonna be a new sheriff in town," he told Jane this morning) and freelancer by night. I will be a Working Woman (as in working outside the home) by day, and a householder and dollmaker by night. Matt will be taking over the bills and the budget (which is really for the best) and I will be taking over Jane's afternoon care. All three of us will be much busier than before, and, I believe, much happier. We've somehow managed to shake the crippling worry of the last couple of years off our backs. I can hardly believe it. Still, money will be tight, and things will be crazy. We're girding our loins, as they say.
Today, this mostly consists of finishing my paperwork for my first day and washing all our clothes. I made cookies and bread--one loaf sandwich, one cinnamon sugar swirl. I read all the blog posts I had missed over the past week (over 150) and put up a new banner. Matt's working, Jane's napping (after protesting for an hour). And my mind is reeling with all that has happened and all that is to come. I know I'm still grieving, and full of thoughts on grief, religion, faith, death. I know we will be rebuilding our household according to new parameters. I know I have a good feeling about this year, and I'm welling up with dreams and intentions for it the coming months. My heart is so full of the knowledge that as of tomorrow I will no longer be a full time mom...wow...SO full. That drew a few tears. My cup runneth over in every way, so much so that my mind is almost blank. So I think the best thing to do is tidy up a little and lose myself in one of the wonderful books I am reading. Sweet balm! And plan on leftover meatloaf (Matt said it was my finest ever, and I surprised myself by almost exploding with pride and thanks) and a hot bath for this evening.
I'll be back soon, I hope, with some clarity. Wish me luck!