It's awfully tempting, having been away from this blog for more than two years, to explain why. I don't know if I can, so I won't even try. I imagine many reasons will come out as I pick up the habit of blogging again, which, after many failed resoltutions, I am determined to keep in 2014, along with flossing (I do so hate flossing).
To get blogging again I focused on an impediment from the past: feeling embarrassed that my surroundings are too ugly to share photographically. The places we've lived since I last blogged ranged from lackluster to UGLY. However, the house we live in now is just as nice as the one we lived in when I was regularly blogging, and we've been in it for a year. Granted, it's been in a pretty catastrophic state since we moved in, with a few exceptional days. Still, looking back it's not as though our old house was ever in immaculate condiditon (those I did capture some of its closest moments). What was different is that I had a habit of seeing the beauty in it. I was satisfied with the modesty of our environment, of my photographic skill; I was satisfied with the imperfection around me, and I was really looking at it. So today, I resolved to find a few little images of beauty, specifically in the imperfection of our home.
Honestly, it looks like a bomb went off in here. We're purging clothes, toys, books, everything; repainting the bedrooms; putting new furniture together; not quite moving out the old; ignoring the dishes; washing but not folding or putting away laundry (until the furniture is put together); cleaning out holiday clutter...all in preparation for our big new project of the year, Baby, who is coming to live in our two-bedroom home in February. In amongst all the mess, my rusty perspective did catch a few little happy spots of color, texture, domestic reality.
Although my stated resolutions do not include the word "imperfection," it's been on my mind as I attempted a new beginning today. In addition to flossing and blogging, I resolved to not worry so much, to have a year with only trace elements of anxiety. I resolved to enjoy myself, to appreciate where I am. So, I made a priority list for myself today before I abandoned the dishes: smoothie, dresser, blog. And told myself to chill out about the rest of it. Gritting my teeth and ignoring our disaster of a kitchen, I showered, made a smoothie, and put together my dresser while watching River Cottage with my kid. I had the opportunity to attempt another resolution by putting the dresser together incorrectly and and only just managing to notice the error as I started to apply the beeswax finish. After putting it back together, and then putting the drawers together wrong and having to redo all six of them, I finally got it all done, and without freaking out. When my husband got home from a special New Year's golf day, not only did he do the dishes--he biult a bonfire which included all our Ikea cardboard. Huzzah! Though it was nothing like my fantasy New Year's new beginning day, it was a banner day for realistic resolutions. And to cap it all off--with one push of a button I'll have blogged! I'm so satisfied with myself, I might even floss.